I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
