highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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