I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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