I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
