It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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