Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
