Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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