I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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