So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
