I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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