he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
