somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
