I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
