Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
