Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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