is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need moral support for this bender
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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