Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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