so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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