South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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