I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
