Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am one with the molecules
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
