Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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