Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
