i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
