i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
