atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They took my balls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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