im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
