No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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