well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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