he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
