THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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