Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
