I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
