i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were destined to go to rehab together
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did i just pee glitter
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize