come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
