so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize