Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize