Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
