There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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