fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
