ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
