Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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