somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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