I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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