you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
