Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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