her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
