Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
