Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
