as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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