He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
