I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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