Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
