hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
