did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
