I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
