Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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