I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
