i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My life is pants optional.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
