wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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