You work out of a Hotel?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We need a shit load of segways right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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