He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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