The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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