Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
