i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
