Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize