hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
