we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
