i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
