she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
