She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
