I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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