my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
